What’s In A Name

I met my wife while I was teaching at the Group operations detachment and one night, early in our relationship, we were at a party full of……well, I guess “my kind” is the best way to put it. We had mingled separately for a bit and when we found ourselves together again, she had questions.

    “See that guy over there…the stocky one? What’s his real name? The other guys called him ‘Lunchbox’ and come to think of it, he may have even introduced himself that way”.

    “Oh that’s Paul*. ‘Lunchbox’ is his callsign on his team’s internal radio network and also his nickname. He’s been called it so often by the guys here, it probably didn’t occur to him to introduce himself by his actual name”.

     “Ok, how about that guy he’s talking to right now? Everyone calls him ‘Dirty Steve*’. That seems kind of mean. Why do they call him that”?

    “Oh, because he’s dirty”.

    “Like unwashed, or corrupt”?

    “Hmmm, it could actually be a bit of both, but more the unwashed part I guess. He looks all groomed and clean cut now, but you have to imagine him with a horribly unkempt beard and a lip full of Copenhagen snuff. Half the guys here are dipping tobacco, but you wouldn’t know it unless you actually saw them pull out a can in front of you and put a pinch in their mouth. When Steve does it, it looks like he grabbed half the can and threw it at himself from arms length. He also can’t seem to aim or project when he spits, so there was usually tobacco juice dripping from his mustache and/or radio microphone”.

    “Ok, stop (gag), I get it”.

    “Did you meet ‘Crazy Bill*’? We call him that because……”.

    “I did and I figured that one out by myself. What about that guy”?

    “Hmm, he’s been drinking, so this probably isn’t a good time to introduce you to ‘Sleazy’”.

    “What’s your callsign”?

    “Oh, who remembers? I’m sure it was something awesome though”.

 Odds are you didn’t choose your own (real) name. Initially, anyway, someone else decided what noises people should make to get your attention. You can, however, legally change it, or insist on going by your middle name, etc. Nicknames and especially team callsigns are also not chosen by you and in general, are nothing you’d ever choose. The difference is, they can’t be changed, just exchanged for something that may or may not be an upgrade.

I didn’t choose to get multiple sclerosis and wouldn’t have chosen it if I’d been given the option. Like a callsign/nickname, I may have done something that contributed to being stuck with it, but who knows? I do know that I can’t change it. Time and innovation will tell if I get to upgrade it. 

*I didn’t use anyone’s real name, so as to protect the innocent.