Bingo

A few years ago I was at an event talking to the outgoing group surgeon about multiple sclerosis and a friend I hadn’t seen in years overheard us.

           “What do you have?”

           “Multiple sclerosis.”

           “Oh no! I’m so sorry. How long are they giving you?”

           It took me a second to get what he was asking. “What? I’m not going to die.”

           “Oh, ok, I know what you’re talking about now. That’s the stuff Michael J. Fox has.”

           “No, that’s Parkinson’s. It affects the central nervous system too, but other than that, they really have nothing in common.”

    “I got you. So are you going to try that bee sting therapy?”

    “Five minutes ago you didn’t even know what we were talking about, but now you feel confident enough to recommend a cure that involves getting stung by bees?”

    Or, right before I retired, during a morning meeting, a friend announced, “Hey Ben, you know who else has MS? Carlos Hathcock.” (famous Marine Corps sniper).

“Thanks, but that’s not a great example. He’s dead.”

“What!? When did that happen?”

“About 10 years ago.”

Desperate to salvage this: “But what did he die of?”

“Complications from his multiple sclerosis. Stop trying to cheer me up. You suck at it.”

 And the list goes on and on. See the chronic illness bingo above? I’ve heard all those and then some. Yes, the latest mouse study is fascinating. I’ll keep up with it during the 20 years it takes to get to human trials. I’m thrilled that your brother’s best friend’s cousin knows a guy that read an article about a guy with MS who is climbing Mt. Everest this year. Maybe I’m just not that motivated, but there’s also a chance he and I don’t have the same symptoms. Yes, I’ve heard about that diet. It’s good to know that organic kale grown only in Patagonia will cure this and I’ll take it under consideration.

I’m being cynical and probably a tad bit sarcastic. I know they mean well (most of them anyway) and I know people naturally  feel like they ought to say something. Yes, we can talk about this. Please don’t feel like you have to tiptoe around it.  I might even bore you to tears because you could say I have a vested interest in MS, coupled with a lot of time to read, so I know quite a bit.

That’s not to imply I know everything. I don’t and I really am grateful for new and “helpful” information, or kind (not pitying….please. We’re not at a funeral) words. In the meantime, I’d rather not win another round of chronic illness bingo and guess what? It’s ok for me to not always be grateful that it’s not worse.