MS Ego

A couple posts ago I mentioned that, I had taught a little in the past, had learned a lot from teaching (mostly how much I didn’t know), and introduced you to the 33% rule. This week, I will try (in my clumsy, rambling way) to pass on another important lesson that I picked up as an instructor of elite soldiers; dealing with egos. That’s egos with an “s”, not just because there was more than one student, but because I have one to manage as well.

There are probably entire volumes devoted to ego, pride, arrogance, dignity, etc, the similarities and differences between them, and the fine line(s) that separate one from another. I won’t get into all that here since I doubt I understand it all myself and my opinions on the matter are exactly that. I will opine that there is a difference between being justifiably proud of an accomplishment and being egotistical. In my opinion, pride can be questioned, (I know what I know, but I don’t know everything and can always learn something new), while ego can’t.

The acronyms, (yes, I know the difference between an acronym and an abbreviation), for all the courses I helped teach began with the letter “S”, which stood for “Special”……..(there’s a crude joke there somewhere, but I’m going to be the bigger person). Special, or elite people tend to have pride in their accomplishments, but sometimes even the most justifiable pride, and/or self confidence can drift into ego territory.

Early on in my days as an instructor I went to the same senior instructor who introduced me to the 33% rule to ask his advice on how to convince a student that he wasn’t doing something the “right” way. He observed the student for a moment and then commented to me, “That guy is both fast and accurate, which is the end goal here. Is the way he reaches that goal unsafe, or is it just not the way you do it?”.

On the opposite side of the coin, I’d sometimes get a student who was putting rounds everywhere on the target except the middle and I’d make what I thought was a helpful suggestion, only to be met with, “I know what I’m doing! I’ve been shooting this way for longer than you’ve been in the Army!”.

This is where you want to say something like, “Well, it looks like you’ve been doing it wrong all those years, because you suck.”, but you don’t. Instead, you get another instructor to drop the same casual hint that you just did, but maybe in a different way, or you just say something along the lines of, “Chuck Norris does it like this.”.

This is the part of the post where I switch gears back to multiple sclerosis. I really do try to make it a smooth transition, but it’s hard sometimes and probably looks like I’m shifting without a clutch. In this post, what I’m trying to transition to is that while I wouldn’t lump it into the elite category (rare, sure, but not elite) it’s very possible to have an MS ego too……I know I do.

You’d think I’d know better, but apparently I don’t. I’ve known I had MS since 2014, but in that short time, I still sometimes think that the way I do things is the only way and I’m not open to alternate suggestions. For example, I’ve only been transferring myself from wheelchair to recliner, to car seat, and so on, for 10, or so months. There is only the slimmest of possibilities that I have the technique mastered, but I’ll be the first to say that this is the way I’ve always done it.

My ability changes by the hour, day, temperature, my temperment, etc, and it is never the same as someone else’s, so I can neither demand that someone do things my way, nor think that their way is going to work for me. I do tend to give more weight to the advice of other people with MS, but I have learned that if anyone insists that their way is the only way, then they’re probably selling something.

Sticking with the teaching theme; on the opposite side, our “instructors”, i.e. loved ones, caregivers, therapists, healthcare providers, etc, also have to recognize that we can both have MS egos. Is what I’m doing wrong because it’s unsafe, or because it’s not the way you’d do it? Sometimes, just having a different “instructor” tell you the same thing at a different time really does make a difference. I respect my neurologist because he never acts like he knows everything (he knows way more than I do) and he never pretends that MS is a one size fits all disease. I respect my physical therapists for the same reasons. And yes, my darling wife and caregiver I respect you too. I’m probably going to regret this, but there is a chance that you also know more than I do.

Oh, and to the lady at the grocery store who used to know someone with MS just like me and offered the unsolicted advice about “trying harder” and “mind over matter”. My “mind” is full of holes, so it does matter and in this case, I can safely say that no matter how long you’ve been doing it, your technique is wrong because you suck at it.

If you are looking for practical, realistic (but not always sunny and happy…because MS isn’t) talk about MS, join us over at Kurmudgeon’s Korner.

http://mskurmudgeonskorner.com/

It’s the greatest group you never wanted to join.