Save Your Pity

“… I’m not a tragic figure, no matter how hard you try to make me into one. I’m delighted with myself…”

John D. MacDonald, (The Deep Blue Good-by)

    A little more about multiple sclerosis and my experience with it. Although this is written from the perspective of a retired SF guy, this is for everyone with an interest. Former Green Beret medics with MS are an audience of……about…..I don’t know…..2?. Given that the VA has a network of MS centers of excellence, former military with MS is a bigger audience, but I don’t want to leave out anyone who was just diagnosed, family members, caregivers, etc. 

    I won’t bore you with any medical or physiological details since you can look those up easily enough. Here’s one such link if you’re so inclined: 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/multiple-sclerosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20350269

    Key takeaways from the first paragraphs of the article include:

In MS, the immune system attacks the protective sheath (myelin) that covers nerve fibers and causes communication problems between your brain and the rest of your body.

Signs and symptoms of MS vary widely and depend on the amount of nerve damage and which nerves are affected.

There’s no cure for multiple sclerosis. However, treatments can help speed recovery from attacks, modify the course of the disease and manage symptoms.

    See that part in the second excerpt about varying widely? That’s an important thing (maybe the most important thing) that I didn’t understand until a couple years in. There’s several recognized variants, relapsing remitting, secondary progressive, primary progressive, and so on, but my MS is different from your MS even if we both have the same variant. As I wrote previously, I have primary progressive MS. As luck would have it, the first person with MS I met had PPMS too, had been diagnosed 20 years ago and used a cane to walk. I breathed a sigh of relief after our encounter. If a limp that requires a cane is as bad as it gets, then this isn’t so bad. 

It’s been 7 years since that encounter. I could run then. Not far or fast, but I could run. Now, I can’t stand without support, can’t walk, and have lots of other issues that we’ll get to eventually. The point of this particular bit is not to have a pity party, but to hopefully spare you from the problems I encountered early on when I thought MS was a one size fits all disease and tried to compare myself to others who had it.  

In the grand scheme of things, I’ve got it pretty good. It didn’t really hit me until my late 30s while so many are diagnosed before they ever get to really live without it. My medical retirement from the army went relatively smoothly, (it doesn’t for a lot of people). Overall my experience with the VA, while aggravating at times, has been positive. I am married to a nurse who looks after me when I need it. I was still able to carry my kids upstairs when they were babies, and while I have a lot of disabilities, I am finding ways around them.  

The kind of readers I intend to attract probably don’t need to be told this, but please save your pity for someone who deserves it. I’ve had a great life and it isn’t even close to being over. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve felt sorry for myself and doubtless will again, but there’s nothing tragic about my situation.